First Review

Well I missed the bulleyes tonight at my story review, but I did hit the target. Considering it was my first shot, i’m not too dissapointed.

My 9/11

♦This morning I think about 9/11.

When I woke up to the news that morning I was horrified. I muted the T.V. when the girls came down. I had three then. They we’re 5, 3, and 1. My neighbor took my oldest and her own daughter to school. To add to the feeling like the world was crashing in and “where will they hit next?” a gas tanker trunk crashed into a freeway sound wall right near my home and nearer still to my daughter’s school. It felt like they were everywhere. I talked to my neighbor in her car, I remember the phone hot on my ear as we tried to decide the best course of action. I told her to go ahead and bring the girls home. I wanted her home.

Hit the snooze bar

For the last two mornings I have been woken up by a rooster from my yard, well not a rooster, but a crowing hen. It started last week and I just thought it was cute. It was a little sound, like a squeaky hinge. Apparently they get better at it as they practice. The ducks have been helping keep this hen under control, no seriously I’ve watched them.

We have a six inch high steel beam laying across the width of our backyard (Steel’s two year project) the crowing hen gets up on her little perch on this beam and cock-a-doodle do’s, then one of the ducks will barrel across the yard and dive into the chicken with it’s beak.

Sounds like Cock-a dod[Ba cock] and the disgruntled chick is knocked of her perch. Yeah, it’s really quite funny.

Ducks are not morning people.

“How do you do it?”

These things are currently going on at my house

6:30am

Field trip forms need to be filled out.

Magic is signed up for Violin.

Princess has crawled up on my bed at let me know that she thinks if she makes good choices she gets to go back.

Treasure is walking around glazed over because I’ve pulled up pictures of Tummy mommy and Tummy Daddy and Princess is getting extra attention. He’s also pissed off that I’ve moved the Legos from his room to the green room (last night so the girls could play after he went to bed.

The girls caught what they believe is another rooster (hen’s crow too).

Butterfly is micro managing and in time out for mumbling crappy stuff about me under her breath.

Angel’s hair needs help

Princess’s skin needs help

I need help!

 

Time Sinks

Last month my friend spent the bulk of the month with out phone or internet. Everyday that rolled by I was really astounded that she could still smile and was not twitching at the lack of my vice.

In the last week the Gods of electronic world have not been kind to me. Last week was heralded in with the loss of my phone, a sentence no less then leprosy, and night before last, (scary music plays), my internet went down.

[Scream from the maze game plays]

The bulk of my day yesterday was spent trying to fix it. All of our computers went down at once (they ae all wireless). So I was convinced it was a wireless problem. We all (yes eight of us) went to Best Buy to solve the wireless problem. Got home. Realized we’ve bought the wrong thing. Tried like hell to make it work while on the phone (my daughters phone mind you, member, mines lost) with AT&T. There’s about four hundred branches of AT&T. None of which can route you to the other. They’ll give you the new number you need, but can transfer you over. Matters are only made worse by the fact that in my new development we are blessed with fiber optics running straight to the house, which puts us in special high speed branch of AT&T which is about as easy to find as the Holy Grail.

[Not appreciating the special gift of fiber optics running straight to the house]

Finally got there. Trouble shot the modem. It’s the modem, not the wireless. Call dropped. Got a call back, sent to second tier support. Call dropped. No call back. Start the journey again. Fight tooth and nail to get past all the sentries to arrive back at my special section

[Not appreciating the special gift of fiber optics running straight to the house]

Re explain the problem. Four hours later. I’m snapping at all the tech support. She tells me I’ll need a new modem (I knew that 8 hours ago). I told Steel that for the man hours I’ve now spent on this it’s well worth it to go back to Best Buy and buy the modem ourselves rather than wait for AT&T to get us another one. He agrees readily, he wants his wife back and he wants to be able to play World of Warcraft this evening. He goes back. He returns the previous purchase, buys another, and returns home triumphant. He made sure to buy a 2Wire from AT&T so there won’t be any problems. Amidst the music playing I hook up the new modem. It is one built for a normal DSL connection, it won’t work for our house.

[Not appreciating the special gift of fiber optics running straight to the house]

Last night Steel played World of Warcraft on a dial up, which is how I join you this morning. Guess what I’ll be doing today?

Fear

Fear (n) -

terror, dread, anxiety, horror, distress, fright, panic, alarm, trepidation, apprehension

Seems to be a theme running through my life for the past couple of days. My first problem is that I’ve decided to open up and probe this whole writing thing

So a couple of years ago when I was trying do decide what to do with my life, I took a class at an area college. In this class they put you through a battery of tests to find your talents.

One of the ‘talents’ for me was becoming an author. I immediately scrapped this idea. Writing is a scary place. I shared with the students in my last English class that writing is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Now I’m choosing to move into this angled, angry, twisted, mystery house. I have to figure out which doors open to genius and which ones to brink walls. Many doors, I’m sure open to empty elevator shafts, where if I walk too quickly, I will fall in and never be seen again.

After the maze incident the other day the girls all insisted that they would have nightmares. I rolled my eyes and explained the behind the scene dynamics of software. I explained away the magic exactly like I had in Disneyland

Side bar -

In Disneyland my little Starshine had been overly scared by the Indiana Jones ride, I explained the magic so well that Steel said I was ruining the magic and if I continued to talk he would leave.

My four girls are now well rehearsed in the finer points of HTML. I’m not sure if it helped them, but they slept soundly and reported no nightmares.

So I’m forced to see the connection between the maze game and my angled, angry, twisted, mystery house.

HTML or not. It’s scary enough to make children cry and large Ironworkers jump back. I am validated.

Humble

Today our little treasure got in trouble in school. He’s had degree of difficulty adjusting to an all day Kindergarten, but it seemed that most of it could be solved by a reward of a lollipop and adequate sleep. He gets off kilter easily if anything negative comes his way. It can be quite a challenge to train a child with whom most disciplines only make bad behaviors worse.

Today he got in HUGE trouble. I was frustrated. First, was a half day at school, he had 50% less time to make bad choices. Second, I sent him off this morning well (good and bright and well loved). Upon hearing his behavior report, I wanted to lose my patience with him, but I didn’t, didn’t make a scene or even really address it, just acted normal until I had time to think. Later, I explained to Steel how angry I was at our little boy. He reminded me that our son needs extra love and always responds better to love than anything else. The thought of snuggling him embittered me and I told him that he could do it or maybe by the end of the night I would feel like it.

I dinnered the kids this evening with out Steel (taking a nap). Each night we play a game called best and worst (best part of the day, worst part of the day, for each child). On Treasure’s turn to speak he said, “The best part of my day, was getting a new teacher.”

Mom: You had a substitute today huh? (I knew about the sub, as I knew he didn’t mean to put it as a ‘the best’)

T: Uh huh

Mom: Threw you off a little, huh?

T: (confused by the terminology)

Mom: How did it make you feel to have a new teacher?

T: Sad. .

Mom: Yeah, how come?

T: Cause I’m never gonna see my teacher again (he’s SO in love with his “pretty teacher”)

Mom: (lights turning on, realizing this would have hit on his abandoned by mommy nerve) Did you think you were never going to see her again?

T: Yeah, I’m gonna miss her.

Mom: (explains what a substitute is and why she was there and that he would see his teacher again)

Mom: Did anyone tell you she was coming back? What did the new teacher tell you at the beginning of class?

T: She said she was there to teach us because my real teacher was sick and that we couldn’t be alone.

This is almost exactly how we answer his questions to where his birth mother is.

No wonder he made bad choices today, it must have been incredibly painful and confusing. I’m humbled.

 

The funnier side of fear

    I’m a horrible, horrible person. Last night my girls, my four henchmen, came out of therapy and told me about how they were making their therapist do some sort of online maze. This made me think back to an email my very good girlfriend Shyeen had sent me – the interchange went like this -

Ok, This will test your patience and how steady you are!!! If you can get past level 3, you got me beat!!!  

 

 

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/ 

Or

 

 

 

 

http://www.winterrowd.com/ 

  I encourage you to try the above link, to fully appreciate this story. Then share your story with me – make sure your sound is turned up.

  Now, my email is constantly flooded with junk mail and forwards and I usually just dump everything I get each day (especially in busy time) but I see this email from Shyeen, my good friend, and I think, she doesn’t normally send junk. If Shyeen sent it, it’s probably good and worth looking at. So in obligation, I follow her link. I’m a good friend. I will be there for her and explore the path she has set forward. My (cut and pasted) response after trying her little link I am gonna KICK YOU”RE ASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! I’m sitting here at 5:50 in the morning in a silent house playing your stupid ass maze game andI turned it all the way up and I’m sweating now – next time you see me you better RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her apologetic reply – OH, ok!!! This was well worth waking up for!!!! Im laughing hysterically!!! Oh, wait,…I can’t stop!!! I think I have Chinese eyes right now! What a wonderful day!! (fucking bitch) My reply with friends like you, who needs enemies? ug my heart is still pounding Again, she salts the wound Good morning!! Not sure why I’m awake. I had the volume turned off when I received it, THANK GOD!! you bitch! So loud!! If you didn’t follow the link or the link was bad. In a nutshell it’s a maze where, when you get to the third level the path gets narrower and narrower (you’re trying not to touch the sides) and you lean in and concentrate because you’re trying to make it past the third level, the sound is turned all the way up because the little thing says “sound effects help”. Once you get to that part in the third level where you are fully leaned in and trying so hard – you hit a point in the maze where a scary face jumps out and screams at you. So last night I let all my girls play (he he). They’re 12,10,9,8 I’m laughing, that’s really is the only important part. I feel a little guilty I did that to Butterfly (with all her sordid history) but as I think back to all the horrific tantrums she has put me through, I’m starting to feel a little better. Both the youngest of the four said they we’re going to have nightmares. I started with the 12 year old -she was all into it. Oh God that was funny. I had the sound turned all the way up on the PC next to mine. Then the 10yo, then the 9yo, then the 8yo. My fright fest kept me fully entertained – the only challenging part was making sure that any uninitiated didn’t view it before they played, and by girl four I couldn‘t stop giggling. Butterfly went downstairs crying. I had to stop her from telling dad. Then, it was his turn. I’m laughing. I got him all set up, sound all the way up. Which by the way is considerable, we have a big PC speaker set up with large subwoofers and everything. I died laughing when I saw my big, manly, ironworker jump back from his screen like that. Way Funny. OMG funny. I’m a horrible, horrible person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spa Day

 Massage: rubbing of the body: a treatment that involves rubbing or kneading of the muscles for relaxation.

Today my friend told me about how she had had a spa day on Saturday. Eight hours of pampering. I seriously could have punched her in the face I was so jealous. I told her to tell me about the whole story, detail by detail. As she talked I wiped a little drool that had leaked from the corner of my mouth. 

 She told me they started her out with a salt rub. The girl that rubbed her down was new, but politely asked her whether she would want her to include her breasts in the salt rub down. The girl knew it was a tricky area, but explained that if the goal is a whole body glow, then it might look a little weird if her upper chest and stomach were glowing, but her breasts weren’t.

I took a minute to consider what my answer would be if I was put in a similar situation. Hmm, salt rub massage interlaced with a whole day of pampering. . .

I decided if I was ever given the opportunity, I’d tell the girl to make sure I was glowing so bright you could see my nipples from space. Hell yeah, make em put those little yellow triangles around my areolas because they are radioactive!

Still drooling.

My First class

Okay, so I went to my first class tonight. It was like coming home. I felt like I had been wandering around Bangkok for a couple years saying, “Hi, can you help me?” only to hear Taiwanese chatter back. Then, wonder of all wonders I finally happen across a guy in the park and he not only answers me in English, he leads me back to his group of friends. They all speak to me in English (I want to cry)In the syllabus it says, “you will be required to keep a journal on assigned subjects. . . But if you write about something different, that’s okay, go with the energy. I wrote in the margin “oh, you’re in trouble.”

Later, he gave a writing prompt and had us get going. When it was time to get back to discussion time, he kept saying, “If you’ve got the energy, keep writing, ignore what I am teaching.”

Are you fucking kidding me? I try and do that everyday. Go with the energy and ignore what you should be doing and write. Here this fucking Professor is giving me permission?!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Needless to say, I missed the rest of the class, I kept writing and writing and writing. Students are reading aloud all the things they came up with (but I have permission to ignore them). Students are reading aloud everything they wrote (but I have permission to ignore them). At the end, this woman wanted to exchange contact info and I asked her, “so what did you write about?” I felt a little embarrassed when I realized she had read hers out loud.

I couldn’t understand the homework, because, not only had it been so late (9:30pm) but also, because he had given me permission to go someplace else and I was still there. I seriously had to ask a classmate for help.

This was what this class was supposed to do for me, was show me I am sick, but I am not the only one.